Currently Listening Leaving Through The Window By Something Corporate see related

I don't know what's wrong with me...I just feel so disconnected from everything and everyone right now. My birthday is in a week and I'm just really not all that excited about it this year. I was like that with Christmas, too. I don't know...maybe the older you get, the less exciting it all is? I don't really like that I'm not going to be a teenager anymore. It makes me kinda sad actually. Its like now I'm not a kid ya know? I mean obviously we're "adults" when we turn 18, but teenagers are still like kids. People expect teenagers to be crazy and stupid...people in their 20s aren't. I mean some still are, but...does this make any sense at all? I don't know. I just love being young and irresponsible and taken care of and free to make mistakes and I just still have so much to learn. I'm just not ready to grow up yet, but I know I have to. If anything since high school I've learned that I'm so not ready for the real world. My dad has always taken care of everything for me. My dad is really cool like that-he takes really good care of us girls and wants us to be happy. Well that and he's out numbered 3-1 so most of the time he doesn't have a lot of say anyway. lol I've always been treated like a little princess. Never had to do anything I really didn't want to or had too many responsibilities. Especially when I was younger I could always get what I wanted...when I mess up there have never really been any consequences...its like people just expect me to be high maintenance and act accordingly. Jared is just like my dad in that way. Like he knows I'm completely incapable of some things so he just plans on doing it for me. And he's usually pretty willing to do whatever I want. I mean he might complain a little sometimes, but he does it. Ya know I never really believed that crap about how guys like girls like their moms and girls like guys like their dads until I realized how much my boyfriend is like my dad...its kinda scary actually...that and the fact that the older I get the more I realize I'm my mom...its really scary! But a good thing about being like my mom is that I understand her better so we get along-like we really are more like friends these days. We used to fight constantly and now that hardly ever happens. I don't know...I feel so much more mature, but so seriously immature at the same time...

School is stressing me out. I mean I'm super excited about finally deciding on my major (and I mean it this time!!!) but its also hitting me that this means serious dedication. Like I can't half ass anything anymore cuz all of these classes actually count for something and they aren't super easy. Math 153 is already kicking my ass and its only been like a week. I'm just not a math/science person at all...its too logical and serious and so not creative. It completely bores me to tears...I see no point in learning math at this point in my life. If I don't already know how to do it or it can't be done on a calculator when the hell am I ever going to use it in life!? On a more positive note, I absolutely freakin' love my interior design class! I went to buy all of my art and drawing supplies with Jared the other day and I was just so excited to be getting so many new, fun things. I can't wait! We did one point perspective drawings this week and next week we're working with color! Can't  wait! Oh I just love this stuff!!!! Finally something I know I can love doing forever! Its so me!

Alright well I'm done rambling for now!

So suddenly I'm super excited about this semester! I just got into my Intro to Interior Design class! Yay for people who change their minds at the last minute like me!!!! hehe

Currently Listening Stories & Alibis By Matchbook Romance Tiger Lily see related

So I've been thinking...my life is pretty AMAZING. I mean obviously it isn't perfect or anything and I still have a lot of changing and growing up to do and a lot of things I need to figure out, but right now I'm totally loving where I am. I'm happy!!!!! And I feel like I can do anything. I've set some new goals for myself which I'm really really proud of and excited about too. I'm finally getting my crap together! I've realized that I can totally be a better person and I want to be...not just for me, but for all the people I care about in my life. There are lots of ways I can be a better daughter and sister and friend and girlfriend and Christian and student. I have all these roles and there is no reason to give anything but my best. No one gets what they want without putting in their best effort in everything they do.  From now on I'm being the best me I can possibly be no matter what anyone else decides to do or wants me to do.

Hmmm...what else? I'm really excited about my major again. I had some doubts about social work, but I've been praying about it and I feel better knowing that God will get me where I need to be. Even if I don't end up in the social work field, I have LOVED my social work classes and they've taught me so much about myself. I'm just fascinated by human behavior and how people interact with others and all the whys...I just love trying to figure people out...and its helped me some with myself too. Most importantly I think the classes I have taken have given me a new respect and appreciation for people who are different from me. I'm proud of how accepting I can be. And I really do want to help people...I just have this creative side that I'm dying to use somehow too though...like I love art and design and expressing myself...which I do through writing a lot...a lot of people think I should have been a journalism major, but I'm more about writing for me and "feeling" type writing...I just don't know, but in the mean time I'm just going to take full advantage of the amazing things I'm learning that could totally be applied to my life anyway. Everything happens for a reason and I'm excited to see whats next for me.

Okay...well that's enough rambling on! Happy Thanksgiving! :)